I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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