If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize