It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize