So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize