end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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