He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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