I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize