Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize