Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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