I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize