Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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