Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My pussy is not your playground.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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