You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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