just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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