We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize