saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
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My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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