remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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