Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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