You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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