cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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