were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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