Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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