She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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