i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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