He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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