How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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