pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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