My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize