There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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