I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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