just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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