I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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