tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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