the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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