I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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