your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize