i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize