New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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