Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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