just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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