I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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