Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize