There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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