...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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