Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
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Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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