How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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