I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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