dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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