I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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