if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize